


From Gringotts With Love

by Taurwen13



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bank Robbery, Canon Compliant, Christmas, Crack, Gen, Gringotts Wizarding Bank, Hermione's Nook's Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest, Poor Percy, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23256697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taurwen13/pseuds/Taurwen13
Summary: After a few months of playing a harmless game swiping a ring back and forth at the office, Perkins has taken things too far and hidden it in his Gringotts' vault before the end of the agreed time period. Dead set on obtaining the ring before the clock runs out, what else could Arthur do but break into Gringotts for Molly and get it back - with a little help from some of his boys, of course.Written for the Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest put on by Hermione's Nook on Facebook. My prompt was:Black card: Mrs. Weasley's Christmas Present from Mr. Weasley was _____.White Card: Breaking into Gringotts
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16
Collections: Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest





	From Gringotts With Love

"Why are we doing this again, Dad?"

“Because,” Arthur Weasley explained as he fitted his black balaclava around his head and clicked his muggle headlamp on and off, “like I told you before, Percy, Perkins took things too far this time. I’m getting that ring for your mother one way or another - even if that means breaking into Gringotts to do so.”

“But isn’t that really illegal? Can’t you just get mom something else for Christmas?”

“It’s mostly illegal if you take something that isn’t yours,” clarified Bill as he finished suiting up in a skin-tight black outfit just like everyone else was wearing before heading over to where the two were. “As the whole challenge was to steal it back and forth in the office to see who would eventually have it on Christmas Eve, Perkins is arguably inviting it to be stolen from his vault since he is the one that took the game that far.”

“Besides,” Ron interjected, “can you think of a better bonding activity for us to do the night before Christmas Eve as a family? Especially with Charlie back home, right?”

The second oldest Weasley child gave his youngest brother a high five. “You bet little bro! Only thing that would be sweeter was if George wasn’t stuck running the shop tonight but, hey, he did at least let us use a ton of his Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder, and with these muggle light things working in them this should be a cinch.”

Percy could, in fact, think of many other things he and his brothers could be doing to bond. Safe, legal things like Wizard Chess, reminiscing about holidays past, hell, even Quidditch would be better than this. All he did was sigh, though, knowing any words would only fall on deaf ears.

“Alright, let’s go over the plans one final time,” Arthur began as he spread the map across the floor of the broomshed. It was a little difficult to see in the dim light, but this was much more prefered than accidentally being found by Molly in the house. “We will enter here, with Bill’s help, Apparating us to the employee entrance.”

“It’s late enough that hopefully all the goblins have gone home, but I will throw down some darkness powder anyways when I arrive. Once I side-along Dad and Charlie there the first time, they can come back for the two of you,” Bill indicated towards Percy and Ron, “while I start unlocking the doors. That may take a few minutes to do correctly.”

“And what happens if you do it incorrectly?” inquired Percy in a tone that indicated he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“Well, then the wards all go off and the night watchman comes to investigate. The goblins can do it much-”

“Wait, what watchman? You hadn’t said anything about one of those yet!” Ron pointed out.

“Didn’t I? Oh, right, sorry,” Bill explained with too even a tone for such things. “There’s a security troll that guards the main lobby at night. He’s smart - for a troll - brightest one I’ve ever met actually, but he’d struggle with his size to get into the area we are going to be in, so with the darkness powder we should be okay.”

“Blimey, Bill, you could have mentioned that sooner. Are - are you guys sure you need me to come?” asked Percy frantically. “I could just stay here to make sure Mum won’t find out and-”

“Oh come on, Perce,” encouraged Charlie with a clap on the back that almost set Percy's glasses falling to the floor. “Where is your Gryffindor sense of adventure? You aren’t getting out of this that easy, bro.”

Percy gulped but, again, did not reply.

“Now where were we? Ah, yes, once we get past that door, we hang a left-”

“Right, Dad,” clarified Bill, tapping the map ominously. “Definitely a right.”

“Right, right, a right. Right to where the carts are. We will need Bill’s help to get them going, but once they do we should be able to get to vault 401 - or was it 104? I guess we can check both…”

“You don’t remember which vault it is?!? What madness are you dragging us into?”

“Quiet, Percy, you are dragging down the mood of this covert operation,” snapped Ron before noticing a goblin shaped hole in their plan. “By-the-by, Bill, how are you planning to get the carts to work? They don’t use wizard magics.”

“Oh, I have these,” he explained, showing them a few clear sheets with faint fingerprints on each. “I’m hoping this works - I got the idea out of one of the Muggle crime novels Harry let me borrow, just like the idea for these outfits. I used a Muggle invention called ‘tape’ and hoisted, no, lifted - yes, lifted is the right term - lifted these prints from a few of my coworkers desks’ earlier today.”

“Crime novels? As in Muggle books? Our entire plan is based on fiction?” Percy squeaked nervously.

“Isn’t everything we do all in some way based on works of fiction?” mumbled Ron.

“What was that?” asked Arthur.

“Hmm, what?” replied Ron, “oh, nothing. Just waxing philosophically about all our lives. I’m probably wrong. Don’t mind me, just tell us what we are doing next.”

“Yes, that. Once we get to the vault, everyone will need to help search. I doubt his vault will be as empty ours, and he may have hidden it, expecting us to try this.”

“Doubtful,” mumbled Percy under his breath, but no one seemed to take notice.

“How are we getting in, Dad? You don’t have a key, do you?”

“Well, you see, um…” Arthur tried to speak but with some difficulty. 

“Yes, do go on. I haven’t even heard this part of the plan,” Bill pointed out.

“I’m quite curious about this bit myself,” Charlie piped up.

“I **might** have waited until Perkins had dropped his keys in his desk this morning,” Arthur spoke as quickly as he was able, “and **may** have hit him with a harmless explosive diarrhea spell. I made a copy of his vault key and slipped them back into his desk before he returned half an hour later. I don’t think he suspected a thing.”

In a perfectly choreographed but completely unplanned motion, all four Weasley brothers simultaneously dropped their forehead into their hands before rubbing their faces in frustration at themselves for asking. As one, they rested their chins on their fists, even as they were still struggling to process the words that had just come from their father’s mouth, wishing they had never urged him for an answer.

“So that happened,” Ron stated after a moment, breaking the silence that had so awkwardly settled in like an unwelcome dinner guest.

“Right, ahem,” Bill asserted as he tried to focus things back to the plan. “So after we get into the vault, we grab the ring, and exit the same way we came in, hopefully returning to our beds before Mum realizes we are gone. Is that correct, Dad?”

“Exactly. And the quicker we pull this off, the quicker we can all have a round of Ogden’s from my liquor cabinet since all of you are of age and will probably have earned it.”

“I feel like I’ve already earned it from that comment earlier,” Percy whispered.

This time, the other three brothers mumbled under their breath in agreement with his comment.

“We need to get started. It’s nearly 11pm and Mollywobbles always gets up to pee at 12am precisely.”

“Merlin, Dad, more info we do not need! Come on, grab my hand. You, too, Charlie. We are starting this before Dad owes us a whole bottle of Ogden’s. Each.”

The three of them disappeared, reappearing in a small room. Bill went straight to work dispelling the door as Arthur and Charlie disappeared and almost immediately reappeared with Percy and Ron.

“Wicked,” exclaimed Ron before remembering about the troll. He heard movement nearby and quickly threw a handful of darkness powder into the air.

The darkness was all encompassing, but with their Muggle gear they could still see as Bill opened the door.

“Hold up while I check to see where the troll is,” he insisted before he tip-toed off ahead.

The moment he was gone, Arthur tried to lead them on. “I believe it was left at this point, boys. Follow me. Bill will catch up.”

Confidently, the patriarch turned to the left and headed off at a jog, forcing the others to nearly trot to keep up. Suddenly, there was a loud clank before the floor tilted sideways, sliding them downwards into an open chasm before they could make out Bill’s frantic footsteps.

“Right! I said right!” was barely heard as they continued to fall. For how long they had no recollection, but eventually they could make out the inevitably approaching floor. A stopping spell caught them before they crashed, ceasing their momentum momentarily before dropping them unceremoniously onto the stone, causing all their darkness powder to spill out at once.

With Bill gone and the plan almost completely out of the window, the four remaining Weasleys stared at each other, barely able to make out the features on each other's faces in a deeper darkness their headlamps now barely touched.

“Can we panic now?” asked Ron, fear of being trapped there forever starting to settle in their minds.

Before any of them could reply, a low growl erupted from somewhere in the shadows. They drew their wands and began casting any and all light spells they could think of, but nothing worked.

The growl continued, sounding like it was slowly creeping closer. Charlie, the only one among them that seemed able to move, gravitated between the others and the mysterious noise before crouching into a defensive position.

To the shock of them all, he returned the growl, more menacing than the original noise, causing the rest of the Weasleys to jump.

Suddenly, they were aware of the sound of swift movement, heading straight for where Charlie was, though he made no move to avoid it. The vague form of a beast, a bit smaller than he was, could soon be seen in the dim light as it charged for his chest. He waited until it was almost on him before waving his wand.

 _“Stupefy”_ he yelled, a bright red light emerging and hitting the creature squarely in the chest, close enough Charlie was able to catch it in his arms.

“Despicable. These monsters are raising another dragon to guard these vaults. It’s - it’s unthinkably cruel. Poor, innocent baby. We have to take her home with us.”

The rest of them looked at Charlie like he was mad, but the young dragon tamer had a frenzied look on his face no one dared challenge as the sound of an approaching cart made them freeze. Wands ready, they waited to see what new challenge was coming.

Everyone was relieved to see Bill, trying desperately to pilot a cart and nearly smashing it into them.

“Quick! Get inside. We haven’t much time.”

Relieved, they all dove into the cart. 

All except for Charlie. 

As he shifted the baby dragon better in his arms, he threw a wild haymaker into Bill’s face before anyone could see it coming.

“Did you know? About her? That she was being kept down here all alone?”

“No! Well, I knew they had something here, hence my warning, but I didn’t know what!”

Charlie glared a moment longer before deftly jumping into the back of the cart, careful not to disrupt the stunned dragon too much.

Bill spat out some blood before addressing everyone else. “Alright, so since we are closest to 401, let's check there. Hold on!”

The cart banked and turned crazier than normal, eventually arriving with everyone still inside. All but Charlie immediately jumped out.

“You go on ahead, I need to cast some charms on her so she doesn’t attack us when the stunner runs out.”

Eager to get away from her, everyone was excited when Arthur’s key fit the lock.

“At least something is going to plan,” he mumbled as they all entered in.

Once inside, they all began to float and become quite giddy, laughing at every little thing - from where Arthur’s headlamp threatened to slip off his head to how Ron was struggling to keep upright.

“It’s - tee-hee - one of the - hahaha - SPELLS-CAST-TO-PROTECT-THE-VAULTS” Bill finally got out in a rush. “Grabbing what we need - haaa - should stop it.”

In a fit of uncharacteristic giggles, Percy managed to pull out his wand and, after a moment of looking, spotted it. “ _Accio ring!”_ he yelled, and soon the thing was soaring into his hand. The moment he caught it everyone dropped to the floor of the vault, Ron landing soundly on his head.

Percy handed Arthur the ring, which contained a message and a banknote rolled into the space for someone’s finger. Unrolling them, he read the note aloud:

> _Dear Arthur,_
> 
> _I don’t know how you did it, but you bested me. Take this to a teller when the banks open in a few days and cash it in for your troubles. You earned it._
> 
> _-Perkins_

“Well, I’ll be damned.”

“Could you be damned back in the cart, Dad? I have a bloody headache now and we should probably get home, yeah?”

Everyone agreed with Ron and climbed back into the cart where Charlie was now cradling a sleeping dragon.

“She should stay out until we get home.”

Bill got the cart started and they began to move again.

“And then?” inquired Ron.

“I will ask Mum if she prefers me keep her here for the holidays, or if she would mind me leaving for a bit to find her a new home.”

“How are we going to explain why we suddenly have a dragon in the first place?” asked Percy.

Silence fell through the cart, only broken by the squeaks and sparks from its wheels. Even once the cart had stopped in the main area of Gringotts no one had an answer. 

“Come on, we still need to hurry out of here,” instructed Bill at a whisper as he led them down a long tunnel. “This is where you were supposed to come - see that area ahead where you went?”

He gestured before stepping back through the once warded door. “Hang on, I need to lock things back up. Shouldn’t take but a moment.”

They waited before they Apparated home together and snuck back into the Burrow quietly.

Or at least tried to.

They had made it about five feet into the kitchen when a familiar voice began to yell.

“Where have you been? And - Charlie - is that a dragon?!?”

Arthur shifted nervously. “I - er - broke into Gringotts for your Christmas present. And the boys helped. Happy Christmas, dear?”

As Arthur ran forward to catch her, Molly fainted in shock. Clearly, this had not been the answer she was expecting.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you guys for reading - this was SO much fun to write. And, yes, the vault number was a nod to the Twin's birthday, both how we write dates here in America and how some of you do elsewhere. :) Hope you enjoyed it - check out the other stories in this fest as I already know they are going to be awesome and have a wonderful day.


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